Emotions.

The highly irrational driving force that distinguishes us, humans, from animals. Emotions don't thinks. That's why they're called "feelings." Otherwise they'd be called "brainings..." Or something...

People act serenditiously insane when under the tight grip of an emotional fit. Some of these fits last seconds - some a lifetime.

I'm on a 9 year emotional fit right now: Love.

His name is A.J., and we met when we were 16 way-back when teenagers didn't suck so hard. (Don't get me wrong, teenagers still sucked a decade ago...But this new batch of youngin's seems to have some sort of contagious infection that affects 12-20 year olds making them arrogant, ignorant, and selfish).

We were nerds. We still our nerds. We'll be nerds when we're 80, in our rockin' chairs, playing the 920th version of Pokemon on the virtual system that exists in some think-tank.

We met in band camp. On August 11, 2003, to be exact - only remember through the power of LiveJournal - clearly, I'm jumping shark.

A budding romance over the next 9 years filled with "I don't want to see you"/"let's get back together." Rinse, lather, repeat about 4-5 times.

What can I say? I was a stupid kid.

I saw him as a "forever" kid since the beginning. And at 16? That scares the shit out of you. So you run for the hills.

Anyway.

We were each other's firsts. (Commence "awwings"). We waited until we were 18. (We're literally 9 days apart in age). Which, needless to say, in my generation is pretty unheard of.

My brother almost threw me a party! haha. I remember him specifically saying that he was pretty damn proud of me for waiting.

Interestly enough, our first time was in a park down the street from my house. (Haha, yeah...kids...) We had no where else to go. It was more neccesity than anything else. And that was our "stage" for quite awhile.

What's the point?

Last night, we revisited that park.

I'm a really sappy girl. A mush. We spent hours there. I was so over-taken with emotions. I became a drooling, incoherent, clingy mess.

Luckily, he doesn't mind....lol.

Today? It's just magnified.

You know you've found the one, when you're constantly falling in love all over again. When reliving your relationship - even in memory - brings you such peace and joy. When you can't possibly imagine what your life would have been without this person, and all you want to do is make the most wonderful NEW memories.

Today, in the shower, I was listening to my music. The most depressing songs were coming on the shuffle. But I was singing them with a smile. They all seemed like the most romantic love song in the world.

Looking at pictures from the past 9 years? I'm crying like a pansy. I'm counting the milliseconds until I see him tonight. I just want to wrap him up in my arms and cry into his shoulder, telling him how much I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Every picture of us or of one of us when we're together, we look so happy. They're such love in our eyes. It looks like it's the happiest moment of our lives.

Love.

The most irrational, crazy emotion of them all.

And sometimes you just can't shake it.

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christie_stolte

September 2012

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